it's nice to be out

went out last night with my officemates. we went to a place called lime 88. it is a bar/restaurant located in a residential place that made it somewhat hard to find but it was all worth it because the food was great as well as the service. i haven't been out with them so it is nice to spend some time with them aside from the workplace once in a while. we eat, laugh, talk, drink and eat some more until the wee hours of the night. all in all, it was a great way of wrapping up the work week and starting a long weekend.

just another rainy day

it has been raining for days now
the gloomy weather has always find its way to pull my spirits down
i don't know why it just happens all the time
the loneliness is creeping up and down my spine
i feel so alone in a crowded place which is not a good sign
been trying to smile but can't find the reason why should i
seeing him just reminds me a lot
that we cant be a part of something we want
i cant remember how it all start
i could've stop him but i just cant
maybe because i know deep inside
i'm struggling with what i want and my so called pride
i know i cant be the reason to cause that hurt inside
i dont have the courage to go ahead and fight
this is where i turn my back
i cant give what she has to offer
i just cant stand to make anyone suffer
my apologies for all the pain
for all the tears that fell like rain
just like how it fall on my window pane
on one of the many rainy days just like today

what and if

i just saw the movie letters to juliet just now and a line from it caught my attention more than any part of the story.

what and if.
two words as nonthreatening as words come.
but put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.
"what if?..."

those lines are part of the letter for claire sent by sophie in the movie.

two words that seem to not mean anything, but when put together could just make you think of the what-might-have-been. true. i totally agree to this. life has it's own way of telling us that there is a reason for our past not being part of our present and future but until that day when enlightenment dawns on us we were sometimes faced with the question:"what if?..."

every single life changing decision we had could have resulted and lead us to a completely different place in our lives if we had it other way. so as those small, insignificant details have the same bearing as well. the thing is we always find ourselves bumped and bruised answering the question "what if?". even in the well-thought-of decisions in our lives, when we could actually not ask the question and maybe just start acting on it. why ask when you could actually see for yourself how things would turn out? maybe it's not too late to do so.

but considering those things that can't be changed anymore i think it's best not to ask "what if?" but rather accept the things as they are. it would be useless to cry over spilt milk, right? maybe we could just channel our energies on making things work for us despite how things ended up. here is a chance for us to turn things the other way around, that other way is our way. it could be an epic fail or our biggest success but either way it will be for the best because we took control of the situation and did it the way we want.

"what if?...".

for a while i was like flooded with my own long list of what-might-have-beens. i was pensive. but then i thought that if things didn't happened as they did, i wouldn't be the person i am today. i am not perfect and that's ok. i know that those bad experiences, all the failures, heartaches, disappointments, frustrations although all painful and might left a scar or two, made me feel human and very much grounded. i felt more alive than ever. i'm not masochistic, i don't enjoy pain of course. but it just reminds us that life isn't perfect so do each and everyone of us. i know that my perfectly flawed self is the best version of me and i wouldn't have it any other way.

so the next time i encounter "what if?" i will just read it as two nonthreatening words: what and if.

my first post

my first post, or should i say my brain's first fart.

i've been wanting to create a blog for so long but now was just the time that i actually did it. not sure why but i just got that feeling that maybe this could be a start of something good, if not maybe just a plain brand new start of something.

maybe this could be a perfect venue to go rambling on about ramdom things that i have thought of, read about, watched, heard, seen, tasted, felt and this list could go on and on but basically this is where i could write freely and tell things in and outside my life. it would be fun to back read on my posts after some time. :)